


stargazing

by enharmony



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Brother/Brother Incest, Gen, I'm not sure how to tag this, Incest, M/M, Post-Canon, Twincest, growing apart??, growing together??, growing up??, honestly read this however the hell you want but, idk. pick your poison, if you wanna? i guess?, it's weird don't question it, too many mentions of stars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-24 19:43:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17710394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enharmony/pseuds/enharmony
Summary: “We used to do that a lot,” he muses.He doesn’t need to look at Atsumu to know he’s staring at him with a look that reads something like ‘what the hell are you talking about’.“Looking at the stars, I mean.”





	stargazing

**Author's Note:**

> yay hello it's me dropping by after some time of absence so let's have a quiz! was this one supposed to be
> 
> a) more explicitly romantic but somehow it didn't feel right for their dynamic  
> b) originally an AU for an entirely different ship, where that explicit romance _would_ have felt right  
> c) a Tumblr drabble
> 
> ding ding! the answer is d) all of the above!
> 
> I would spout my usual spiel of please for the love of god leave if incest makes you uncomfortable but idk, you can totally read this one as platonic if you feel like it. so like, you do you. not even I know if it's supposed to be morally questionable incest subtext or a surprisingly wholesome take on these dumb twins' brotherly relationship. it's both. it's neither. it's whatever your heart desires it to be
> 
> it's also my sad, sad attempt at an omniscient narrator that probably just feels like I've switched POVs when I wasn't supposed to. I'm sorry ... I'm not used to this ...

There were glow-in-the-dark stars sticking to the top of their shared room’s ceiling, splattered all over it, so even if it was cloudy and the actual stars were hard to see, they could still lie on the floor and point out constellations.

“It looks like a pig,” Atsumu insisted, tracing the lines he thought he saw in them in the air with his hand.

“It totally doesn’t, it’s a dog,” Osamu argued, not for the first time tonight. “Look, it’s got floppy ears.”

“Wouldn’t that make it a rabbit? Besides, it’s a pig.”

“Maybe you’re just seeing yourself in it.” Atsumu hit him with a pillow and Osamu couldn’t help but laugh at the impact. “What? It’s true!”

Even though the stickers shone dimly, to them, they were as brilliant as their very own starry sky.

 

* * *

 

Osamu doesn’t like coffee, but he drinks it anyway, with how annoyingly short the nights have become. High school demands a lot from them, including getting up before dawn to set up the gym even though they spent until well past midnight scrambling to finish the homework they’d forgotten about – or, well, Osamu did, Atsumu gave up halfway through and started poking him with his pencil instead.

They don’t talk as they pass by the usual crossing, Osamu clutching his paper cup of coffee, Atsumu occasionally glaring at it as if that could make it disappear. He’s still refusing to start drinking it, so Osamu assumes his twin brother is just mad he’s marginally more awake than him.

The stars are twinkling above them; it’s just past 5 AM in the middle of December, the sun won’t rise for a while. He doesn’t hate it. It’s kind of peaceful, like this, and it’s been snowing a lot recently, so everything looks a bit more picturesque. He finds himself looking up while they’re walking, trying to find familiar constellations.

“We used to do that a lot,” he muses.

He doesn’t need to look at Atsumu to know he’s staring at him with a look that reads something like ‘what the hell are you talking about’.

“Looking at the stars, I mean. In our room.”

“Where did that come from?” Atsumu mutters, but from the sound of his voice Osamu knows he’s turned to look up anyway. “Besides, it’s totally not the same thing. Stick them up on your ceiling again if you miss it so much.”

“I’m just reminiscing,” is what he says. _It’s not the same thing on my own_ , is what he refuses to say. Even though it’s the truth; Osamu likes the stars, even has a few books on space to flip through every once in a while, but the fun part of that was arguing with Atsumu.

“Weirdo.”

He takes another sip of his coffee and then it’s empty and he doesn’t bother continuing the conversation.

 

* * *

 

They split up into their own rooms at the beginning of their first junior high year.

It was a present of sorts from their parents, cleaning out the office nobody had really been using anyway and turning it into another room. They argued for a while over who should take it, since it was smaller than the other room, but Atsumu eventually realised that it was quieter and had the better view, so he ended up taking it.

He was the one who gathered the stars from the ceiling, too. Osamu didn’t complain once; he knew he didn’t really have a need for them anymore. Even so, once the ceiling was barren, he felt as if something had irrevocably changed.

 

* * *

 

Holding a training camp at this time of year should be illegal. Yeah, none of them are going to the national youth camp, now that Atsumu is a third year, but that doesn’t mean Coach Kurosu is supposed to tell them randomly one day that they were going to have a non-negotiable week-long camp, including everything from the shoddy nearby hostel to stay in – something about “no, we can’t stay at school, the last time you broke a window and now the principal doesn’t want us in there unsupervised” – to the food they have to make themselves.

It’s not only almost Christmas, but nationals aren’t too far off either, and school is still going, too. It just means work and practice from the moment they wake up to the moment they fall asleep.

Atsumu can’t say he hates it.

Osamu does, clearly so. Even when they’re not talking each other, he can see him complaining to anyone who makes the mistake of trying to make conversation with him, and the death glares he keeps sending the coach are usually reserved for Atsumu.

But no, Atsumu doesn’t hate it. Waking up to the stars still being up and then before you realise what’s going on it’s night again – ever since Osamu mentioned how they used to look at their glowing sticky stars on the ceiling, he’s found himself watching the real ones too.

They’re still nice.

 

* * *

 

“What the fuck is _that_?” Osamu pointed at the monstrosity Atsumu had built in his room.

“A pillow fort! Duh. Bet you’ve never seen one this big, huh?” He swept aside the blanket curtain he’d used to conceal the entrance and gestured for his brother to come inside.

It really was an unnecessarily big pillow fort, he must have stolen half of these pillows from all around the house, but it was amazing to the point where Osamu hated admitting it. He’d even brought star-shaped Christmas lights to light up the dark, and he found himself gaping.

Atsumu watched his brother reluctantly admire his work with a feeling of pride swelling his chest.

“Aren’t you a bit too old to be making pillow forts?” Osamu asked, but it had no real effect. They were junior high second years, not old geezers.

“Just admit you’re jealous ‘cause you could never make something as cool as this.”

“Envious,” Osamu corrected.

“Huh?”

“The word you’re looking for is ‘envious’.”

“Who cares what word it is? I’ve got the whole universe here in my fort!” He raised his hands and touched one of the stars. It was warm to the touch, in fact the entire inside of the pillow fort was pretty damn warm, but neither of them minded.

They sat there bickering for a very long time, under their own constellations once more.

 

* * *

 

Winning nationals is a nice goal to have, Osamu thinks as he stares out his window, up at the night sky. Maybe they can do it this time. The inter-high was a close one, a final deuce so long he thought he’d die before the match ended, but in the end Karasuno took it. They definitely trained enough to warrant a win, that’s for sure. It’s been a few weeks and he still hears Coach Kurosu’s voice waking them up in his nightmares sometimes.

Last year around this time, he was standing in similar position, looking outside and contemplating, except Atsumu was sitting on his bed behind him and he could feel his eyes staring a hole into his back.

They’ve been distant – not enough to make people wonder, but enough for him to know – ever since that one night. It’s a good thing, the reasonable part of his brain says; they were closer than they probably should have been, before that. Again, not in a way that made people wonder. Just … A little, when they were alone.

Thinking back to that time won’t do him any good, but his mind keeps wandering. Sometimes he figures he should stop looking at the stars all the time. Maybe if he was looking forward instead, things would be different.

Osamu sighs and turns away from the window.

 

* * *

 

A playground, somewhere in the middle of Tokyo. Atsumu had been outside of their hotel, feeling restless, and then Osamu had been worrying he’d get cold, and suddenly they’d been running, until their legs felt like giving out and they were coughing in the cold air of January.

They’d found themselves here, Osamu sitting on top of the slide, staring up, Atsumu leaning against a net, watching him closely. He wanted to follow his gaze, but he found himself mesmerised by how his brother looked at the stars, even after all these years.

“I wanted to win,” Osamu said and reached a hand out to the sky, as if it had been close enough to touch, even though he knew it was a futile effort. “I wanted to win, but … As long as it’s the two of us, next time is fine, too.”

The words had just slipped out, and now they were hanging in the air between them, heavy and full of despicable feelings. He couldn’t take them back now, but Osamu hated them and Atsumu hated them too. Both of them were aware that they were unfair, to the third years and to their other teammates and even to their opponents.

Atsumu pushed himself off the net and climbed up the slide, pushed his brother aside in an ungentle manner to settle down next to him, and finally looked up as well.

“I’m gonna beat Tobio-kun next time,” he declared to the sky. “And his little friend too. And my idiot brother’s gonna help me with it.”

Osamu sat and waited for a moment, then stood up, inhaled, and shouted, “We’re definitely gonna win!!”

“Yeah!” Atsumu joined in, hands raised to his mouth to form a make-shift megaphone. “We’re gonna win! Together!”

“Together!” Osamu echoed his words.

They kept shouting increasingly nonsensical promises of victories out to the stars until their voices were hoarse and for a while after that, too.

 

* * *

 

Semi-finals are tomorrow, but Atsumu can’t sleep.

They’re up against Karasuno early, the team who’s beaten them twice in a row now, and this time is their last chance to kick their collective asses, at least for him and his brother. But this time, they’ll definitely win. They said that last year, they already failed to make good of it at the inter-high, so this time for sure.

The rest of the team is in the main hall playing cards, Atsumu was playing with them but bailed after getting stomped in the ground by Ginjima and having to endure everyone else – this includes the coach – laughing at him, so now he’s just roaming around the hotel. He should just go to bed, but again, he’s feeling so restless it’ll only rile him up more. It’s a feeling he knows all too well.

He glances out of a window in passing and sees the sky clear, without any trace of clouds, just like last year on the playground. Everything is set out to reminding him of that today, huh.

Sometimes he thinks it should have brought them closer together, but ever since then it’s been kind of weird. Thinking of “just the two of us” when they should be thinking about their whole team …

He doesn’t like it, but he doesn’t like this, either.

He ends up in front of his hotel room after all and when he opens the door, Osamu is listening to music with headphones and sitting on the bottom bunk bed. Which is Atsumu’s. Normally he’d kick him off, but today he just walks toward him and pulls the headphones off his head.

Osamu glares at him, but Atsumu doesn’t give him any chance to complain about it out loud.

“Hey, ‘Samu. You wanna watch the stars?”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading this ... thing!
> 
> come yell at me on [Tumblr](https://en-harmonia.tumblr.com/) if ya feel like it ~


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